Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:29 pm Post subject: Intro to BDSM - Part Three
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF BDSM. IF YOU DON'T READ ANY OTHER SECTION OF THIS INTRODUCTION...READ THIS.
Once again, taken from Wikepedia.
Some BDSM activities may be potentially dangerous if appropriate precautions are not taken. In particular, it is sometimes the practice that the submissive will complain of suffering or beg the dominant to stop, and that this will be ignored by the dominant. Therefore, one aspect to ensure safety is to agree upon a safeword. If the dominant and submissive are in a scene that causes unacceptable discomfort (physical or mental) for the submissve, a safeword can be uttered to warn the dominant of trouble and immediately call for a stop to the scene.
Sometimes BDSM may involve a 'simulation' or 'role play' of rape or other non-consensual acts. A dominant and a submissive may choose to pretend that the submissive is being raped or otherwise forced to do something unwillingly. Therefore, words like "No!" or "Stop!" are inappropriate as safewords, because a submissive playing the role of a victim would say these words as part of the scenario. The ideal safeword is a word or brief phrase (such as "scrambled eggs") that normally would not be spoken during a sadomasochistic act, and which therefore calls attention to itself by its own incongruity.
Some people in BDSM use multiple levels of safewords. For example, the safeword "green" to increase the intensity/pressure/force, "yellow" would be employed to indicate "You are approaching an intensity (or an activity) that I don't wish to experience; please do not continue this scene further in this direction, or do not increase the intensity", while the safeword "red" would mean "Stop this and release me now." The stoplight safeword mechanism is the most common one found in the BDSM community, and as such is universally recognized, causing less potential confusion than some random safeword might.
In situations where the submissive's mouth is gagged, or the submissive is otherwise incapable of speaking without violating the fetish scenario, a non-verbal signal is used instead of a safeword. Typically this might be the clenching and unclenching of one or both fists, the dropping a bell or ball, or uttering three loud grunts in quick succession.
It is possible that a dominant may ignore a safe word. A dominant who acquires a reputation for ignoring safewords will experience increasing difficulty finding BDSM partners. Some partners may not use a safeword, as the submissive may have full faith that the dominant can be totally trusted. This concept is debated regularly amongst people in the BDSM lifestyle and observers will find a variety of opinions. Within this sub-culture and community in a lifestyle based on trust, a person who is not known, or not trusted, does not easily find partners.
Adequate care is prudent in bondage to ensure safety from injury. It is wise to invest in first aid training for all involved parties. For activities involving bodily fluids, hygienic precautions should be duly considered for avoiding the spread of sexually transmitted diseases or blood borne viruses.
In any geographical (or perhaps electronic) community of BDSM practitioners, there are bound to be the occasional disputes over the safety, skills, or basic honesty and intentions of the participants. These tend to arise from miscommunications, unexpressed assumptions, inexperience, or actual mistakes made by the parties involved. Especially with an area of sexuality which may or may not be legal according to the letter of the law, these incidents will often bring up the question of "community self-policing" of its members. Since so many of the interactions are one-on-one, unobserved by third parties, and of an intimate nature, a conflict or dispute may lead to "he-said, she-said" types of interactions. Many communities have developed conflict resolution committees to help mediate such situations.
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