Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:26 pm Post subject: Intro to BDSM - Part Two
This section is on the roles of the dominant, submissive, and switch persons in a BDSM relationship. Once again this is largely from Wikipedia as it is an excellent source of explanation.
A dominant person enjoys controlling a submissive person. Reasons for this are said to include demonstrating skill and power, having ownership of another person, and being the object of affection and devotion.
Domination may be the fashion in which the dominant feels most comfortable expressing and/or receiving affection. Service-oriented dominants would add that it is obviously useful to have the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal. In addition, many fantasies involve the reversal of traditional roles or constraints, so that men or women who traditionally have powerful roles in contemporary culture may wish to experience submissive roles, while others who normally are responsible for enforcing traditional morality, may wish to experience situations where such limitations do not exist.
Of course, other known possible motives remain to be considered, including pleasure taken not only in sheer power, but in the suffering of others, which is called sadism, thrill seeking in risk taking, and self-destructiveness. That is why many in the BDSM community are concerned with establishing the motivations of those involved in an encounter and advise caution in making BDSM connections.
Some dominants and sadists say they are motivated by the desire to give masochists the pain and pleasure desired by them. Thus, the sadist is a pleasure giver and not one primarily seeking gratification from the suffering of others.
A submissive person is one who, of their own free will, seeks to submit to another. Submissives vary in how seriously they take their position, training, and situation. Motivations for engaging in submissive behaviour may include relief from responsibility, being the object of attention and affection, gaining a sense of security, showing off endurance, and working through issues of shame. Others simply enjoy a "natural" feeling when they are in the presence of their partner. What are known as service-oriented submissives may also have a deep seated desire to be "of use". Submissives also vary in the extent to which they engage in play, in how often they play, and even in whether they consider their role "play" at all.
Submission, by nature is a two-fold phenomena. A submissive "submits" to the will of his or her Dominant partner, but in doing so, demonstrates a level of personal power of one's own life. In other words, the ability to deviate from the norm can be a function of someone being powerful, not powerless. In most Dom/sub relationships, this duality indicates that both parties begin at an equal level of will.
When speaking about submissives, a wide range of terms can be used and also confused. A submissive person can be referred to a sub, girl/boy, slave, dog or other animal. Another distinction is that a submissive person may or may not be either masochistic or perverse. However, once someone identifies themselves as a submissive, they will often explore the possibilities connected to being masochistic or perverse.
The Internet has shown that people with these tendencies are commonplace. Expression of this nature ranges from simple learned helplessness in a relationship to extreme submission. Submissives exploring the more advanced expression of their interests should be cautious and prepared. Some extreme dominant/submissive relationships can be abusive or destructive. In contrast, the extreme expression of submission in the form of total consensual slavery can involve deeply felt emotions and caring on both parties.
In BDSM, a top is a partner who takes the role of giver in such acts as bondage, flogging, humiliation, or servitude. The top performs acts such as these upon the bottom, who is the person receiving for the duration of a scene. Although it is easy to assume that a top is dominant and a bottom is submissive, it is not necessarily so.
The top is sometimes the partner who is following instructions, i.e., he tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. A person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so at the bottom's explicit instruction is a service top. Contrast the service top with the pure dominant, who might give orders to a submissive, or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control, but might instruct the submissive to perform the act on him or her.
The same goes for bottoms and submissives. At one end of the continuum is a submissive who enjoys taking orders from a dominant but does not receive any physical stimulation. At the other is a bottom who enjoys the intense physical and psychological stimulation but does not submit to the person delivering them.
Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy switching — playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A switch may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (two dominants, say), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realize his or her unsatisfied BDSM needs with others. Some individuals may switch, but may not identify as a switch because they do so infrequently or only under certain circumstances. Sometimes individuals switch in just physical roles (top and bottom), and sometimes individuals may switch completely in emotional roles (dominant and submissive) as well. Some switches only switch from relationship to relationship and will stay in that role for the duration of the relationship.
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